These Are the Days
by MoonWiccan6
Summary: Giles thinks about things after Buffy's resurection. Warnings: character death, suicide


Title: These Are the Days

Author: Ripper's Girl

Rating: FRM (mature persons)

Spoilers: Takes place after 'Once More, With Feeling' mentions of 'Passions', 'Hush'

Disclaimer: I own nothing. It all belongs to Joss, Mutant Enemy, FOX, etc. I'm just borrowing them for a little while. "These Are the Days" belongs to O-Town

Feedback: This is my first angsty fic so let me know

Summary: Giles thinks about things after Buffy's resurrection

Pairings: mentions of B/G, G/J, G/O, B/S

Note: //Indicates song lyrics//

Warning!: Angst, death, suicide!

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Giles sat in the dark in his motel. After a couple of nights on Buffy's couch, he had decided to get a motel room. He sat listening to the silence around him. He realized that since his return from England after Buffy's resurrection, he had been doing that a lot. He had been overjoyed when he found out that Buffy was alive. When he had walked into the Magic Box that day and held her and looked into her eyes, he had known. He had seen and felt the love she had for him. The love that was just like the love he had for her. But then he had felt her pull away. He had seen it in her eyes. At the time, he thought it was because she had been in Hell. He had learned tonight, however, that it was because she was had been in Heaven. She had lost too much, had too much taken from her. She refused to put herself in a position where she could lose more. Tonight when he had followed her out of the building and seen her kissing Spike, it had felt like someone had punched him in the gut. She had seen him and her eyes had almost seemed to be daring him to say something. He didn't know what she had expected him to say, but he had just turned around and left. He knew he couldn't do this anymore. When he had gotten back to his room, he had called the airline.

Sighing Giles reached for his guitar. Still not bothering to turn on the lights, Giles just strummed for a while. He began singing, letting it out the only way he knew how.

//Motel sitting in the dark  
Empty room like an empty heart  
Love will start but they never stay  
They don't look back as they drive away//

Everyone Giles had loved, had left. His thoughts turned first to Jenny. Jenny hadn't left him on purpose, but she had lied to him and betrayed him. That had hurt almost as much as her death. Olivia was next. His life had been too frightening for her. Not that he really blamed her. Sometimes his life was frightening to him, too. He just didn't have the luxury of choosing whether to leave or not. Last but no least was Buffy.

Buffy had actually left him several times. First, when she ran away after Angelus tried to open Acathla. She had just left. No one knew what had happened to her. They didn't know if she was hurt, alive, or dead. But she had come back. She left him again her freshman year of college. Granted she was still in Sunnydale, but she stopped coming by to see him. He had pretended it didn't hurt, but Spike had seen right through him. She left him the third time when she jumped into that portal. Giles knew that there was no one to blame for that, but he always found himself blaming someone. Sometimes he blamed Buffy for sacrificing herself instead of Dawn. Those thoughts however, always made him feel guilty. So did the ones where he blamed Dawn for allowing Buffy to do it. Of course Giles also blamed himself for not being able to save her. He was her Watcher; he should have been able to find a way. This last time though, this time somehow hurt the most. Maybe it was because he finally knew of her feelings for him. He knew she loved him, but she denied him. He could have lived with unrequited love, but this…this refusal hurt too much.

//Maybe I  
Fix this broken head light  
Feeling the cracks and pain arise  
And maybe love will stop here tonight

And if she knocks on my door  
I'll give her the key//

He knew if Buffy asked him to stay, he would. He knew he couldn't say no to her. It made him want to just take off in the middle of the night and disappear.

//Just one look in her eyes and I know I'll be  
Everything that she sees in me  
More than I ever thought I could be//

Buffy had made him a better person. After his Ripper days, he hadn't been sure how good a person he was. Even after he had gone back to the Council, he still wasn't sure. Meeting Buffy had changed all that. To have this young girl place her trust in him had made him work harder to be someone she could be proud of. Even after she had found out about Eyghon, she had still trusted him. It gave him faith that he had put all that behind him. Then when that stupid test came along and he broke her trust. He didn't know anything could hurt so much. To see her looking at him with such pain in her eyes was almost more than he could bear. But she had forgiven him. He didn't know what he had done to deserve it, but he had been incredibly thankful.

//These are the days  
When all that I can do is dream  
But I don't want to spend forever  
living in the in between  
I'm stuck here in a place without love  
And I just can't let it stay this way  
But for now I'm going to have to face it  
These are the days//

He knew he couldn't stay here like this. It was slowly eating away at him. That's why he had bought the plane ticket. He didn't think his life in England would be much better, but at least it wouldn't have the constant reminder of Buffy.

//Got to use this lonely time  
To change the picture in my frame of mind  
Outside the window there's a sunny day  
I want to feel it on my face

You and I  
Are out looking for the same thing  
And these walls of wondering  
Waiting for someone to share this feeling//

He knew that Buffy shared his feelings and that's what was killing him. That she'd rather settle with a vampire. Someone who was cold and dead. Not even one with a soul, but an evil one who had tried to kill her friends and family. That she should go to Spike and not him. It hurt almost as much as her death had.

//And if she knocks on my door  
I'll give her the key  
Just one look in her eyes and I know I'll be  
Everything that she sees in me  
More than I ever thought I could be but

These are the days  
When all that I can do is dream  
But I don't want to spend forever  
living in the in between  
I'm stuck here in a place without love  
And I just can't let it stay this way  
But for now I'm going to have to face it  
These are the days

These are the days between your hopes and fears  
These are the moments that are still locked here  
They're still inside even if she will not hear  
Like it or not this is what I got  
Ohhh God//

He would spend the rest of his life waiting for Buffy. Knowing that she wouldn't come to him. He wondered how much longer either of them would last after he left.

//These are the days  
When all that I can do is dream  
But I don't want to spend forever  
living in the in between and  
I'm stuck here in a place without love  
And I just can't let it stay this way  
But for now I'm going to have to face it cause  
These are the days //

Giles sighed and put his guitar away. Taking off his glasses he went to bed. Tomorrow he would go home. Unfortunately for him, England was no longer home.

**Six Months Later**

Willow stood with Xander in the rain. They were both crying and holding onto each other. They were all they had left.

After Buffy was resurrected the gang had all tried to help as much as possible, but she didn't seem to get any better. After Giles left, though, it had only gotten worse. Buffy would leave the house for days at a time. When she would finally show up again, she was always covered with bruises. The gang hadn't found out until too late that she had been sleeping with Spike. They didn't find out until after she came back dead. Spike had turned her. Buffy killed Tara, Dawn, and Anya before Willow managed to stake her. Willow had called Xander and they had gone after Spike and staked him.

They had a combined ceremony for the four girls. They had contacted Giles, but he had been too overcome with grief to come back for the funerals. He had stayed in England and gotten drunk. He was pretty sure he had to have been drunk for at least a month. When he had finally sobered up he had continued on for another month or so. The guilt had steadily gotten worse. He blamed himself for leaving Buffy. He felt that if he hadn't left, things in Sunnydale would never have gotten so bad. One day it all became too much for him and he had taken his own life.

That's what brought Willow and Xander to England. They were here to watch as the last of their friends was lowered into the ground. They hoped that he found more peace wherever he was now than when he had been on Earth. The pair took one last look at the grave before turning and walking away. They hadn't decided where they were going after this, but they knew that they'd never be going back to Sunnydale.


End file.
